![]() Many gifted adults also retain the heightened sensitivities and overexcitabilities that emerged in childhood. When they come up for air, they may notice a frustrated and angry partner, who feels sidelined and ignored. Since they grasp information with such complexity and depth, and frequently boast multipotentialities, many gifted individuals plunge into varied and sometimes offbeat interests with a startling passion and intensity. Indulgence in unusual or multiple interests But partners may feel left out when their gifted partner retreats, and friends may become frustrated when social invitations are declined.Ĩ. Time to think may be restorative and fuel their creativity and inspiration. Many gifted individuals are introverted and gain sustenance from time alone. Some may try to mask their fears or offer excuses ( I have to work tonight again), but ultimately, their insecurities may limit their ability to find, form and sustain friendships and relationships. Their discomfort in social situations can lead to isolation and an avoidance of activities they might actually enjoy. Some gifted adults retain a self-concept from childhood, and feel like they are in middle school all over again. If they are in a marriage or relationship, they may avoid communicating their feelings because they assume they would not be understood. Sometimes depressed, and often feeling misunderstood, they assume that they have little in common with the general population, and spend a substantial amount of time alone. They view themselves as outliers with few true peers. Just as in childhood, some gifted adults feel relatively isolated. With their exceptional verbal skills, they can defend their point and relentlessly pursue an argument until they win, or until their opponent (i.e., their partner or spouse) gives up out of frustration. A pattern may develop where they must be right in any debate. Since gifted people usually excel at what they do, some may assume that they always know the correct answer, at least in those areas where they have expertise. Individuals living under this pressure may neglect their families and friends, value work over social/family relationships, and may be subject to mood swings and irritability. It can fuel an extreme, unrelenting focus on the task at hand, or harsh self-criticism when high and sometimes perfectionistic standards are not met. The drive to achieve can make life more complicated. Sometimes gifted people might even seem arrogant when they become frustrated with others' more pedestrian pace. Angry, critical or sarcastic comments, a tendency to take charge, or even a pattern of overlooking a partner's contributions can take a toll on any relationship. Their capacity for quickly grasping information can lead to impatience and frustration with a partner or spouse who is not as capable. They just cannot tolerate the prospect of being bored. Some gifted adults have a limited number of friends as a result, or have had fewer romantic relationships because of their selectivity. This does not mean they will become bored with their partner, but it may be harder for them to find someone who is both an appealing romantic interest and intellectually stimulating. Gifted people have little tolerance for boredom in a relationship. Here are some behaviors and feelings that may put a strain on relationships: All of this can lead to patterns that create problems in adult relationships. They also may have retained some of the social quirks and defenses that developed during childhood and adolescence. Gifted adults still think outside of the box, grasp information at a faster pace, and hunger for intellectual stimulation. In addition, gifted social/emotional traits and intellectual strengths don't just disappear during adulthood. ![]() Worse still, some may have been bullied or teased, and missed out on many of the typical rites of passage children and teens experience. Some exhibited asynchronous or delayed social development, while others felt "different" or just never found their niche. Gifted adults often endured a childhood marked by social challenges. Why do gifted people struggle in relationships? After all, they can reason their way out of just about anything, have whip-sharp minds, and can look at a problem from almost any angle. ![]()
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